My name is Hiba. I’m a mother of 2 beautiful boys and 3 angel babies in heaven. I’m residing in Australia as I moved here in February 2012. It was my dream to move out of Pakistan as I was born and raised in Kuwait. I lived in Pakistan for about six years but I did not like the standard of living here for various reasons.
I had my Nikkah in 2010 and moved with my husband here and the nightmare of postpartum depression started as I had a 9 weeks DNC in December 2012. To make things worse I lost another baby in April 2013. After being scared for a while I had my rainbow baby in 2015 and then the second one in 2017, when the little one turned 6 months I went through another DNC and after that my Postpartum depression worsened.
Going through an experience like this changes you. I can write many things that I had experienced in this process and as I have not shared this on any other platform before, this is a big thing for me. But just one thing that still breaks my heart is having no moral support from family! The people who are supposed to be there for you were the ones that pushed me away, bullied me about my weight, told me it was my fault for going through something like this and called me ungrateful. The problem lies here that no one understands the pain of losing a child for a mother, yet I found myself alone in this journey.
Honestly speaking, dealing with depression, and co-oping up with it on a daily basis is really challenging. But the following things have really helped me. I recently went through hijamah, ruqiyah which helped my internal healing process. Then for the peace of my mind, I started listening to the Quran, taking long hot showers and hot oil massages. I started giving myself time and would stroll in shopping centres. I have met some really good n positive friends that have helped me remain calm. I have started eating desserts (I’ve started putting on d a lot of weight though), recently I also started aqua hit its similar to Zumba but in a pool. I have been attending the class twice a week and it has truly made a difference for me.
However, there are some days when none of these work. Alhamdulillah my husband is really understanding and supportive through everything. I started anti-depressants but they made me drowsy and week mostly so I decided to stop the medications. Initially, I suffered from insomnia too. Some days I feel as if I am on top of the world while other days I feel as if I am useless and extreme thoughts take over me. Its really challenging but trying my best to keep fighting